in good company

humble help...

2007-05-02T15:20:00.000-07:00

I found this Poem in a book written by Shel Silverstien, an awesome childrens author. It's funny, because it reminded me of the way I tend to ask God for help. Just something to think about...

Help! by S. Silverstein

I walked through the wildwood, and what did I see
But a unicorn with his horn stuck in a tree
Cryin', "someone please help me before it's to late."
I hollered, "I'll free you." He hollered back, "Wait--
How much will it hurt? How long will it take?
Are you sure that my horn will not scratch, bend, or break?
How hard will you pull? How much must I pay?
Must you do it right now or is wednesday okay?
Have you done this before? Do you have the right tools?
Have you graduated from horn-savin' school?
Will I owe you a favor? And what will it be?
Do you promise that you will not damage the tree?
Should I close my eyes? Should I sit down or stand?
Do you have insurance? Have you washed your hands?
And after you free me--tell me what then?
Can you guarantee I won't get stuck again?
Tell me when. Tell me how.
Tell me why. Tell me where..."

I guess that he's still sittin' there.

...the end

my constant prayer... humble help and faithful trust to see it through.

Much Needed Update

2007-05-01T10:10:00.000-07:00

Greetings family and friends!!
First I would like to apologize for taking so long to write to you all about what in heavens is going on in Joel and my life. We have been all along the west coast trying to keep up with what God and being in the US Coast Guard has in store for us. We have been busy bees for a while but it looks like we have finally gotten to a place where we expect to settle down for a while.
Joel has just been transferred to Alameda California, which is where we live now, and will for at least the next few years. It is quite a difference from rainy Washington, and we are adjusting well, as you can imagine. The weather here is beautiful and the scenery ain't bad either!! Sequori, our puppy is in heaven here and does nothing put run and bathe in the sun. It's nice to finally be able to make a place feel like a real home without wondering how long it will last before we have to move again. ( For those of you who don't know, Joel and I have had to move about 5 times in the last two years and are more than ready to settle down.)
It seems as though our life has finally begun to put itself together. Joel is working in a federal building downtown Oakland, which is a first for him, but he is trying to make the best of it. And as for me I plan to finally start school in the fall, which I have been waiting for for a long time. Immigrations finally seems to be picking up the pace. I also am looking to start working in a local "Crisis Pregnancy Centre", which is a Christian organization that helps women in crisis pregnancy situations get the help and counseling they need to make an informed and wise decision....one that would also be biblical (discouraging abortion). At the same time we try to make it an opportunity to share and show Gods love to these woman. I have already went through training, and am looking forward to joining this ministry. Please pray for Joel and I both, as we are embarking on new things that should challenge us and help us to grow. Please also pray that we are always trying to see and do what it is God's will us.

That's about all that is new with us, and we hope to now hear back from all of you. It is much easier for us now that we have internet, which hasn't been the case for about a year. Or even better we have a land line now with free long distance!!! So you can give us a call or send us your number, so that we can call you. We really have been missing our family and friends and would be happy to here from any of you. We would also be happy to see any of you. Anyone want to take a trip to Cali? Well now you have more reason to come.... a place to stay.

Thank you for all off your prayers and support through these last tough years. We love and cherish you all. take care and God bless.

Chantel Wright

The horrors of baby sitting...

2006-04-29T13:58:00.000-07:00

Today I had the pleasure of babysitting my 9 yrs old brother, Ryan, and his new best friend Dakota.
It's funny how a little boys mind may think. He thinks "well my friend is over today so maybe, just maybe I can get away with a little more than usual. I mean at least this way I don't have to take all the blame. I can easily sift a little over to my good friend here."
And so we went on with the day with this kind of mentality. Pushing a little here and there. Trying to find out exactly how much big sis was going to let go without discipline.

It may seem small, but I find this kind of thing challenging sometimes. I mean I am not either one of their mothers, and I know to them that means I don't have as much credit. At least with my brother. I found out today that my opinions or requests do not matter as much as they would if I had the mom pin stuck to me. But what can you do about that? Nothing. And so you have to figure out how to not over step your boundries without being to much like a doormat. I probably spent some time doing both things today, but that what happens when a 9 year old figures out that he has grounds to test you limits. They are smarter than you think, those little boys. Well I payed for not being prepared, and spent good and long 15 minutes looking for the two critters after they had obviously put on a disappearing act just for me. And believe me...when you can't find a child your looking for in 2 minutes every minute after seems like an eternity.

They said they would only be playing at the house across the street, but when I looked a little later there were no critters to be found. It was time to get the bike and start tracking. I Looked every where before I remebered, my mom told me about a girl Ryan developed a crush on that lived about two blocks away...and wouldn't you know the critters were in site. Not even that lasted, since they saw me coming and dodged behind the cute girl. I'm sure there heads were spinning to figure out who to blame this time. KNowing they were both in trouble they were in "good boy" mode all the way home, which was very pleasent for me actually. For the first time my position as the babysitter mattered. We got home, had a good chat about letting me know where they are at all times, picked a punishment together (although I only gave them two options), and on we went with our day, but not before both boys wanted to call their little girlfriend to tell her she was still being crushed on, and that their getting in trouble was definately not her fault...
It's funny how even at that age boys will try to protect the cute girl, and sacrifice themselves.

All in all it turned out to be a pretty interesting day. One that I wouldn't want to do again, but none the less learned from. Days like today keep me in check about what it may be like to be a parent, and how much credit the deserve for putting up with not days but years of this kind of stuff. Well heres to you mom. Good job. Thanks for giving me an example of what a mother can be proud of. As for me... I know having kids are in my future...but after today I'm glad we aren't rushing into anything Joel and I are still learning about.

Anyway toodles!! It's good to be back.

Happy Anniversary To Us...

2006-02-05T10:46:00.000-08:00

Can you believe it!! The day has come. Joel and I have now been married for one full year. How crazy it feels when this day actually comes. The funniest part is that it feels all to long and all to short at the same time. I sometimes think to myself that it feels more like Joel and I have been together forever, and other times it feels like only weeks.
Weel it is an incredible day. A reminder of the commitment we promised each other 365 days ago. In fact at this time in the morning I was getting my make-up done and only 2 hours away from walking down the isle.
It's so surreal to be celebrating my very own anniversary. I have wished many other close couples a happy anniversary, but never thought that it would be my turn this early in my life.
Wel it is wonderfull, and gearing up for the next wonderful year of our lives together, Joel and I are very thankful for the great year we have behind us. The ups and downs, the tiffs and the romances, the tears and laughs, the struggles and answered prayers. Thankful for our families, our friends, and most importantly our wonderful and ever faithful God. We have learned and grown so much not just individually but in our relationship too. And everyone around us conttributed. Really looking back and thinking about this past year... We really were blessed and blessed again by God's love and the love of our family and friends. Thankyou all for being there for us, and for making us feel as lucky as we are.
Here's to another wonderful year with my very best friend and love of my life. I love you Joel. May our life together always be filled with such amazing memories and friends and love.

p.s. And what are we doing for our first year anniversary you ask? Well today is "Superbowl Sunday"... so I'll give you one guess. Yep, thats right!! We are going to a friends superbowl party. Actually I am really excited, surprisingly enough. My favorite team, the Seattle Seahawks are playing and they have never maed it this far.. so I am pumped. GO SEAHAWKS GO!!! They have to win for my anniversary.

prayer request...

2006-02-01T13:20:00.000-08:00

I haven’t been praying much lately. my relationship with God has been a little rocky, but I guess it is never 100% solid either. I haven’t been praying much lately, and it seems selfish of me not to because I have a billion and two things I could pray about. I’m not sure why I haven’t and I guess I aughta pray about that too. I’m not sure where to start. I am always wondering if in order for a prayer to be a prayer I have to say Dear Lord in the beginning and Amen in the end. Or can I just think about all one billion and two things and send my thoughts up in one big fragmented conversation? Because that I have done alot of. I don’t think that counts, nor do I really think it should. Because every one of those things deserve alot more from me than that. I wish I knew what keeps me from praying more often.

I should just stop wishing and wondering and just start praying huh. I have always had problems with consistant prayer. I’’m working on it but I know it will take some time.

Dear Lord, I am so thankful that you are greater than me. Amen.

I've been a stranger

2006-01-29T13:17:00.000-08:00

I should apologize to all of you who have, in the last 2 months, come here to check for ... well anything...a blog...update...anything. I haven’t been doing to well with that lately. I guess you could say that I have been distracted or busy oror most likely just plain lazy.
The truth is that there has been many times that I have sat staring at the screne waiting for that something...anything to appear. There just hasn’t been a time when I felt my thoughts were worth your time to read. On the other hand I can think of many times I would have given anything to express my thoughts, but somehow was found with out the tools to jot it down. Don’t you hate it when that happens? I also have a bad memory, so when it comes time that I am at home again with the computer at hand I always forget what it was I wanted to say.

Sometimes I think that wondering whether or not you as readers are actually enjoying what I am writing distracts me from why I started a blog in the first place. Which was just to write about anything and about myself. I hope that I can always be truthful and honest with you and with myself in my blogs. And with that said I think I will be writing alot more, about even the things I thought you may not be interested in. Who knows? Maybe you’ll even get to know me better.

Settling in...

2006-01-07T13:26:00.000-08:00

This is Port Angeles, and on the end of that "spit" is where the Coast gaurd station is that Joel works now.

This is a closer look at what it has to offer...

I have been meaning to do this for a long time now, and don't know why I have been putting it off...and then the move came, and so...Update

Joel and I are doing well. I'm not sure if you guys have been keeping track but our first year Anniversary is coming up on the 5th of Febuary. Ahh!!! Crazy huh!? I can't believe how fast the time goes sometimes. And also Jan 1st is the anniversary of our official courtship/dating too. So we are going on three years of seeing eachother now. Where does the time go.
But I guess I should talk about how our year has been. Lord knows that we have been repeatedly blessed throughout this year. It has been a wonderful, growing, changing, loving time in both our lives.
I can't even begin to tell you what life brings to you in your first year of marriage. I mean life brings you new things every year regardless, but I have never learned so much about myself than I have in the past year. It is all scary and wonderful at the same time. Joel always tellss me how being married has brought him closer to understanding the great love of God, and I know he is right.
For the past 10 months Joel and I have been From over stressed, to over joyed, to overwhelmed and back again, with this whole Coast Guard life. Having things never be clear, never knowing exactly what we are doing where we are going, and when it is all going to happen is a world we both have had to get used to. It can be really hard, but God has shown and proven himself to be watching over us again and again. This life we are living can make it hard to trust Him, and we have both struggled along the way, but at the same time it is impossible not to.
Personally it has been hard for me because of the constant uncertainty of it all. I have always been able to map my life around something that I know is for sure. And in this case there is no for sure, and so I am unable to map anything...and in which case I have mapped almost nothing for myself in this last year except to be with my husband, and to try and get this immigrations situation worked out, which has been a complete disaster from day one. I have to be honest and say that the moving around, and further from all of you has got me into a bit of a loneliness slum the past few weeks. I realize that until I am able to stay in one spot for a longer period than the Coast Guard has allowed me so far, it is extremely hard to make friends. I also reealize how much I desire to have people such as yourselves around me. I feel I am in dyer need of finding someone here that I my form (even to a small degree) a spiritual acountability/sisterhood with. Trusting in God with everything else, and seeing the results has brought me some incouragment on this as well. However I feel I need prayer on not letting myself get to discouraged, and to push myself to make friends where ever I can and not to just wait around for them to come to my doorstep, which is what I fear I do a lot of.

Aside from that and terribly missing my family I am perfectly happy. My husband is such a wonderful man, who loves me way more than I deserve and makes me feel gorgeous everyday. And I of course love him more than words can express, and I am so thankful that we have each other. Although I have been missing the closeness of your friendships, I have to also say that Joel has become my ultimate best friend in the world, from which I can hide nothing from and trust everything with.

Oh yes, and Port Angeles is beautiful. I love living among the mountains. They are incredible. It is so quaint and small townish here, it so reminds me of living in Huntsville. What great memories I am reminded of. I think I'll like it here...

Reconnected...

2006-01-06T09:45:00.000-08:00

It has finally come!! We have gotten our internet back and running and are able to fill in all you guys on our very different but lovely Holidays this year.
As you know Joel and I have been moving to Port Angeles, WA over the Chrismas Holidays. Well we have officially settled in to our new beautiful apartment and actually have been since Christmas Eve. Thats right! We were able to spent Christams not in a hotel but in our very quaint Appartment that had a tre up and decorated just in time. It ended up being a very relaxing day that was shared with just eachother. I have to say that we both missed our families very much and spent all day calling them and talking to them an speaker phone...but there is something wonderful and lovely about spending Christmas just with eachother for the very first time thinking only about how lucky we are to be together at all for the Holiday. (since Joel was supposed to be leaving in the Coast Gaurd boat). So it was great, and we are still celabrating giving and recieving since we are just now recieving our christmas gifts through the mail from our families.
As ffor the new year, it was pretty much the same, except we added a Summit 8 tradition of turning up our music and having a little dance party to our selves, which I have to say was halarious and to much fun.

Well I just wanted to let you all know how we are doing and fill you in on why I havent been writing much lately. Well. I plan to do better in that department. Turns out I still have a lot of time to write, so Thats what I plan on doing more of. Joel is absolutely loving his new job and position in the Coast Gaurd. He is a little worried about the physical and mental level of strength needed to complete his trianing to become a rescue swimmer, but I'm confident he will make it through okay. I will tell you more as it comes, but for now this was just a short update.

p.s. Joel and I realized over the holidays how lucky we are to have the family anf friends we have and how very much we miss them. I hope you all now how much we love and miss you. We hope you had a wonderful holidays.

Hope...tis the season

2005-12-09T14:09:00.000-08:00

This is Joel in Mexico, Chritmas of 2003

Ever since Joel and I moved to Seattle it has been one thing after another of things to deal with. Whether it was the settling in to our not so polite apartment building, to immigrations, to Joel's job taking him away from his home and family. Every step we have taken here has proved to be challenging and humbling. I have to say that I have learned a lot in the last 7 months about myself, about my husband and about how God works in our lives. I have figured out the way in which God tends to work in both Joel and my life is by using a whole lot of patience. One thing we both struggle with, but also the one thing that we can count on for our hope in God working things out.
You see it is that he makes us wait and hold on to whatever it is we want for so long it is almost impossible to think we will ever get our way.... until the very last moment when He gives us just enough to have the patience for whatever comes next. I think more and more, as we sit back and look at all that God has worked out in our lives we realize how important our hope in God needs to be. I know now, from wasting to many days thinking about "when" I get to, that it is a lot less stressful to focus on "what" I do get to...right now. There are many things I get to do right now that I wouldn't if I was working or going to school full time. Right now I have the time to explore hobbies, write what I want to write about, workout, play... And something my friend reminded me of...I get to be there to greet my husbands return from work, which my friend confessed is something you truly miss once your to busy.
When I realize the blessings I have had these last months, even through tough times I am more encouraged about the reasons God throws these experiences at me. I know he is teaching me something, and growing me into something I may not understand yet, but hope to do it justice. When I can look back at how depressing a time these last 7 months have been, but only remember the joy and smiles I was lucky enough to have it gives me hope for whatever it is God chooses to challenge with me next. So there may have been rough spots in our time here in Seattle, and now that we are moving and starting agian somewhere new I hope that I ahve more wisdom to expect the challenge but deal with it in the patience and faith God strengthens me with. This whole experience has taught me that there is no "in my time", and that all I can do is hold on to hope until something happens. Becasue God has proven to me that He will make it happen...still...even if it was the minute of the last hour of the last day of possiblilty. Because for God possibililty is everlasting. Have hope no matter what

Praise

2005-12-05T09:27:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had one of those experiences when you were sure that God was laughing at you. Well Joel and I just finally got a huge answer to prayer this last week, and it was almost like He wanted to wait as long as he possibly could just to see us squirm for a while. For those of you who don't know the whole situation here it is. Joel works for The U.S. Coast Guard and has been stationed on an ice breaker for the last 7 months. This specific boat is ordered to go to Antarctica for at least 4 months and has actually left today!! Now you may be wondering why I am not crying right now, and that is simply because God finally decided Antarctica wasn't where He wanted Joel to be. Just last week Joel received his orders to move on to the School he applied to become a rescue swimmer. So now we are moving to Port Angeles in 15 days to sign in by the 20th, and Joel's training to become an official rescue man starts in the new year. So God pulled a fast one on us. Pulling us along until we had settled with the idea of being away from eachother for months, just to find out that we weren't going to be getting rid of eachother that easily. So here we are... about to embark on yet another chapter in our lives together.

I was humbled...

2005-11-13T12:50:00.000-08:00

I have never been broken with humbleness the way I have been in the last few days. I'm not sure but I don't think anything can be more humbling than the realization I came to in the last 48 hours...for truthfully the first time. Well maybe only in the way that includes having it told to you, and not just knowing it and putting to the back of your head.
Joel and I have been having some really difficult conversations. You know, the ones married couples are supposed to have. The kind that you don't want to sleep on, but take over a nights rest to get through.
We have been talking about the things we sometimes need and don't get from each other, and the affects it is having. Things we may do or may not do to each other that causes hurt... Unknowingly. More specifically, or more honestly we have been talking about the things " I " do that hurt him. My wonderful husband
Now I am not sure for you, but for me it is the most huumbling, heartbreaking, gut wrenching, tear jerking thing to find out that you have been hurting the one you love so much, and were unaware of it. I had no idea that I was hurting Joel and sometimes even now I think I wish I still didn't...
You would be very correct to say that I have an issue with pride when it comes to defending how I treat others. I am always on my toes trying to please, be kind to, and not to hurt others. Being told I failed at some point sets my deffence walls up, and I forget to listen. " Chantel you are human and will make mistakes, we are all going to hurt someone." All I hear is that I did something wrong, and instead of accepting it and making some changes I tend to disagree with them. Not very Christian like of me huh? Well it has come to the point of hurting my husband, and all the suddon you have my attention. I can't ignore that mistake.

So now I sit here broken and humbled at the words I cannot deffend myself against. Plain and simple, "you hurt me." - Joel

To think of how much it probably hurt him just to tell me that... it kills me. I guess the simple truth is that the more you love someone, the more it hurts when you hurt and when you hurt them.
I love Joel, and love him to death. I love him for being honest with me, for telling me, for talking through it slowly and gently, I even love him for the hurt he went through because of my actions. I was hard to hear, but I guess it reminds me of how much he loves me too. I would have been more upset by his failure to care at all. Because he knows and reminded me that we are all bound to hurt and be hurt. It's in our nature.
Hurt comes with love, whether we like it or not. I may not take or accept it well at first, but I am trying to get better, and encourage others to struggle with the same thing. I know that the hurts will keep coming in this life - and it sucks - but as long as we are working through them, accepting your fault, and growing with a change of heart, love will continue to grow stronger. And stronger love will start to wean out the hurts.

In the last 48 hours I have realized and accepted that I can, do, and probably will again hurt others... even my husband. Our conversations confirmed it finally to me. My only advice is this:
-accept the fact that it doesn't matter how much you love and care for someone... you can still hurt them.
-accept the fact that those same people can still hurt you as well.
-When someone hurts you, tell them... don't hold on to it.
-when someone tells you that you have hurt them listen, be humbled, make a change... don't get defensive, they are telling you because they care enough to do so.
-don't let all this acceptance of hurting and being hurt bring you down, there maybe more love behind it than you think, and when there is not you can remind yourself that love is stronger anyway.
-And in all cases forgive!! forgive them, and forgive yourself.

I ramble on...

2005-10-31T15:39:00.000-08:00

Confessions of my hidden soul. I haven't been feeling as close as I have in the past to You. I am sure it's not because of one thing but many, including this whole situation I am in. Over and over I am trying to do it myself and find my own answers. My selfishness and lack of patience keeps me from really seeing what it is You are planning for me. But again You remind me how much I need You. You remind me of my inability to live on my own. Only when I am humbled and turn things over to you, have I really been given the things I ask for.
You told me to no longer have hope in what I can do but only in what You can and will do. Not hope in myself but hope in You living in me. Less of me, more of You. Isn't that how it goes? This is the only way for anyone to see anything real good in me and my life. Righteousness.
Not from me, but from You. Not from what I think I can make happen, but what I know you can make happen. Confession and repentance will be my treatment, the Bible my manual, and You, Father, my teacher, inspiration and hope.
I was born unrighteous with pride to be broken, selfishness to beat, patience and trust to learn. I confess it is impossible to stand well before You. I confess my attempts to treat unrighteousness have failed. No matter how many things I am able to list on my resume of good morality and religious acts, I can not ignore the fact that they do not excuse me from condemnation. I mean, how convenient is it that I have left all my wrong doings from that list? But You have known all this, You know my heart.
I have no hope in myself or my self righteous esteem. I have hope in something better...
I alone may not be well to stand before You, but I will stand before You one day. I will stand with you not alone but with the beautiful Son. The Son of God, who lives in me is my righteousness!!! He makes me well.
Instead of hopelessness in myself I have forgiveness, grace and love in Jesus.

I share this with you as something I struggle with everyday. Less of me and more of Jesus. We are all self righteous and wrong to think that by morality and being religious is going to excuse us from the punishment we deserve for our sinfull lives. Those things make us no more eligible for God's presence. The plain fact is that we need Jesus. There is no reason or hope to count on ourselves to be well and good before the eyes of God. We are unclean, and the only hope we have is for Jesus' righteousness to shine through us.
We will fail without Him. It's okay to accept the fact that we fail. And that is what I am learning more about. And even though we may fail, we are still picked up, loved and saved by Jesus. Don't be ashamed and don't be proud, but be humble and full of faith. We need Jesus. We need Jesus. We need Jesus....

Biblical Roles... Husbands vs. Wives

2005-10-22T18:00:00.000-07:00

Joel and I went to a Biblical Roles seminar at church today. It was really great, and gave us a lot to think about. It is really a big topic to talk about sometimes, because of how much culture today has changed views and oppinions. However the roles of a man vs. the roles of a women are so important to get right I think. I truly believe that part of having a completely fullfilled and happy marriage includes understanding and abiding to the roles you have as a woman or a man that are spicifically given out in the Bible. Because once you do, there is no comparing the satisfaction you recieve, which can only be the amazing fault of God (who by the way, is the one who planned it all out).
Women should not be affraid to submit to their husbands like it says in Ephesians 5:22-24. All submition means is to love, encourage and most importantly trust. If those are things a wife is lacking in her husband then you'd think there would be problems. It frusterates me when I hear someone say that a women who submits to her husband has lost the desire to live her own life on her own terms. Well I submit to my husband and take great offence to that comment! I have not given up my desire to fullfill my purpose here, because I know that God will use me to do amazing things, just like he uses my husband to lead me in our marriage and faith. And as far as my own terms? Although I do try selfishly sometimes, I don't think it's the best for anyone to be living on their own terms, but only God's alone. If it is one thing I want everyone to know it's this. The only garenttee to a life of true joy is by God's terms. Anyone who wants to can argue with me, but I stand be that. So submition is vulnerable, faithful, and incredibly beautiful. Marriage is all about these things.
But don't let me stop there. Because if women are going to have faith in there men and submit I sure hope those men are fullfilling their responsiblity of being a biblical husband. Ephesians 5:25-28. Just as women should not be affraid either should men be affraid of leading, and trusting God to help them lead. There is no better way to love your wife than by loving her by God's terms.
I challenge the men who are planning on being husbands to only do so if they plan to be the husband God has set an example of in Ephesians 5. And for women to not marry a man that they cannot submit to. Save the heartache...

I say all this because I am living the challenge myself right now. I have to say that it is wonderful and "lovely" to be able to trust in each other like we do, when we are doing this right. I can trust in Joel to love me enough to lead me and to care for me, and he can trust me to trust him and tell him when he isn't leading the way God intended. My goal is to be the most loving, God spirited wife I have in my power to be (the wife of Ephesians 5, and Proverbs 31). Knowing my role will help me to acheive that. My marraige is worth it, and so is all of yours.

Happy Fall

2005-10-12T17:22:00.000-07:00

It's becoming Fall more and more each day here. The days are getting shorter, the rain is more consistent, and of course the trees are turning there crazy colours. They are so beautiful. All of this completely changes the feel of a city. It's really quite amazing the transfermation from hot to cool, sandals to scarfs. All the sudden the streets that were once filled with crowds, voices, and heat are now filled with a cool breeze and all these colours. It's a calming time of the year where everything just seems cozy and fresh. Although I am a sucker for the summer, it's no disapointment to trade the heat for crisp air and a fall pallet.
I missed my first thanksgiving with my family this year. I can't help but feel a little sad and homesick about that. I absolutely love thanksgiving with my family and I always look forward to it. Theres a lot of tradition I just know I missed out on. The tradition of seeing family not seen since last christmas. The tradition of feeding geese at the pond, or a good hike with the whole bunch of us. The worldwide tradition of being treated to an enormous turkey dinner, complete with sweet potatoes and grandmas awesome pumkin pie. And last be not least my family's own tradition of toping the night off with a very competitive game of "Outburst"! Doesn't get any better. I think my nana must of won this year!! I hope you all had a blast. I just wanted to say Happy Thanksgiving to all those canadian buffs... I am very thankful for all my family and friends out there.

And although I may have missed out on traditions, and am very thankful and excited to start new ones with my husband and Seattle friends.

Waiting in and out of Faith

2005-10-05T13:12:00.000-07:00

Well, it's the last home stretch. There is about two weeks left that I have to get my Visa. If the information they have been waiting for doesn't show up in that time then it's looking like I'm out of luck this time around. The whole process starts over, including the paying for it all. I have to say I am a bit on edge about everything, and can't stop praying things like " Please God help this work out so that we don't have to start over, because if you don't I'll probably think you really suck, and I don't know what to do with that. Amen" I'm just being honest. I would have to be perfectly honest and say I have already inquired that feeling once or twice, but only for a day or so. I'm really scared about it all, but I am surprisingly interested to see what happens if things don't work out the way I wish it to. How am I going to handle it? Will I be able to continue to sit and wait in faith? In faith that all this waiting and standing still is for a reason bigger than I can understand because it's run by God's time and not mine.
When I was married I was more than thrilled. Not just because I am loved by the man who became my best friend, or because I was able to join my life with that man I love, but also because I was ready to be living my own life. Because I would be stepping out into the world I would start creating for myself. Moving forward, growing, learning, creating, becoming... All that was so exciting. Well I have to say that it hans't been as exciting as I had hoped. Marriage yes, my own life no... I guess that is because I feel like I haven't moving forward or creating much of anything.
Maybe that is not intirely true. I mean I have been creating a wonderful relationship with my husband, and we together have done a lot to move forward.
But individuals I feel like a stand still. Like all I can do is wait for someone to hand me a card that allows me to start taking those steps I have been waiting so long for. Higher education, a job... I'm not sure why I feel like these are the only things that will make me feel like I am making something of my life. I think it is the qualities those thing bring to my life that I am acing for. For instance I crave education because I miss learning new things and applying them to my life. I miss experiencing new responsibilities in jobs and seeing what I am capable of. I miss meeting new people who always challenge me on all sorts of levels, and building friendships out of them. I miss being influenced by others and experiences in ways that inspire me. I wan to fell more independent, more responsible, more like the woman I feel that I am, but am unable to explore.
So I am hoping that my Visa comes in, and I can explore more of myself in this world I'm creating. Without limitations or Canadian restrictions. So if you could pray for that, I couldn't thank you more. But also pray that if unfortunately it is not God's time yet, that I can somehow understand and wait in faith. Because although I want this really bad, I also want my trust in him to stand strong even in disappointment. Who knows? Maybe he is trying to teach me that all those things I miss and want to move forward with are things I can achieve without a Visa. Maybe he's just teaching me patience. Maybe the steps he has planned for me are nothing at all what I have planned for myself, and he waiting for me to embrace that. Whatever it is I so badly want to make him proud and creat something beautiful with my life. I hope I can remember I said all this when and if I am shot down.

Stitch by stitch

2005-09-30T12:52:00.001-07:00

So o few days ago I taught myself how to knit. It funny when you don't have a lot to do, and so you have to find new things to occupy your time and the types of things you find to do are the things you never thought you'd be interested in. Things like knitting. Well I have discovered that I like very much to knit, and that it can be very relaxing. It would be even more so if I didn't have such horrible posture while I'm doing it. So I am currently making myself a scarf. One stitch, one color. I though that would be the easiest thing to start out with, and when I am finished I can look at it, judge it, get and outside opinion, and then really find out if I'm good at it or not. Because then I will know whether I am ready for more intricate work .... like a mitten .... or a sock, because I don't know if I'm ready for the thumb yet. Whatever it may be I'm already excited for the challenge. Wow, I'm sure you are thinking "this poor girl, what brings a person to be excited about kniting?" Well, you know what? I am and darn proud to be too. Just wait until you pay $35 for your very own scarf, and I'm sitting comfortably itchy in the one I made myself. Then you'll understand. Oh ya, and I have to give "props" to all the Grandma's out there who make afghans for every grandchild, and hat & mitt sets for all the nieces and nephews. Because my nuckles already hurt and I have only done about 8 rows!!!

inspirations

2005-09-27T19:11:00.000-07:00

**The art of living life well...
Take great pleasure in small offerings.
Believe the world owes you nothing.
Understand that every gift given to you is exactly that.
Love life.

**Wise are the ones who make the most
of things that come their way,
and spend no time weeping for
the things that get away.

**It is usually not so much
the greatness of our troubles,
as the littleness of our spirit
which causes us to complain.

**The tea kettle sings...
even when it is up to it's neck
in hot water.

**Let us hold fast the confessions
of our hope without wavering,
for He who promised is faithful.
Hebrews 10:23

These are some words that have put a smile on my face and encouraged me in the last few days. Times are tougher than I am used to right now so I always appreciate the things that let me see past the tough stuff and help me smile. Sometimes the simplest of words can be just what you need to hear. I hope they can do the same for you.

Seattle life...

2005-09-23T14:42:00.001-07:00

I feel like I don't spend enough time telling everyone exactly how or what I am doing here and now. Well this one is for all those who appreciate the updates now and then. The Fabulous life of Chantel Wright... Military wife and strong independent woman...ha, this is fun.

But... first we will start with my wonderful husband, Joel...
He has had better days, but I guess work has been a little more stressful this month. He has had the unfortunate pleasure of working in the Coast Guards (CG) version of the "dish pit". It's been hard not just because it's a pretty crappy job, but it also keeps him on the boat all day except for about 12 hours and he is sleeping for 8 of those. We are just looking forward to the end of this month so that he can go back to what he was doing and liking his position in the CG again. Because other than this month God has really been answering our prayers. Joel is doing very well, and setting a great example there by being a solid working who is working hard to get into Aviation School. He may even get in before having to leave on the Ice Breaker for months.
>I want to thank everyone for their prayers. They have been heard and appreciated,<

As for me... I am doing as well as I can be in the situation that I am. I am getting attatched to Seattle the longer we stay here, and I think it is totally beautiful here. That is me with great Mt. Raneir at the top. One of our two mountains!! However beyond the experiencing the beauty of this place there hasn't been a lot of oppertunity for me here. Still waiting for my VISA so that I will finally be able to get a job has got me into a state of plain boredum... I try to volunteer where I can but the choices there are also becoming few. So instead I have been filling my time with writing, reading, cleaning, and working on the future of my education. And even though I sound bored, and I am, I am still enjoying life. I just have to appreciate all the little things that come my way, which has taught me a lot about taking advantage of every Joy. It's challenging sometimes, but thats what life is all about, and I love it.

Those of you who know us know that Joel and I stay optimistic through most things. Even though things aren't all what we want them to be right now, we are making the most of it and keeping our heads up high. It's easy to do when we have each other. All in God's time, and until then all we can do is be the best that He made us to be where ever it is we are. So we'll keep smiling to help bring light to everyday.

A story of...

2005-09-21T17:09:00.000-07:00

So I have been thinking for some time about what to write. Isn't it funny how we sit and think for so long about what to write in our own journals sometimes, when the only person you should be writing for is yourself. I mean I love to share my journals with each and everyone of you, but I don't want the urge to impress you with intelligent or interesting banter to take over the natural cause of just writing about whatever I can.
So I got some good advice from a good friend to write about something from my past that had an impact on my life. I love this because nothing else could be more natural for me than to share something significant I've lived through. Real life stories...the challenge to be real and to be real honest...
Here it goes:
About 9 to 10 years ago I was let in on a secret that would shock me more than anything and change the rest of my life. "Chantel, the man you have grown up knowing as your father isn't quite the real thing. In fact your biological father lives in Canada and wants to get to know you" says mom.
Your probably asking yourself, now what kind of a response can a 12 year old girl have to all this? Well golly, where do I start? I mean there is so much to sift through and deal with. Thoughts may have been something like:

- You lied to me!!
- My family as I know it has all been pretending.
- Where has the real dad been & why now is he searching for a relationship?
- Boy do I feel decieved by one and abandoned by the other.
- What do they expect me to call them from now on? ....ect.

...That single moment may have been the most confusing, disappointing, altering, and revealing in my life at the time. You see, I was confused that I had a dad who thought loving me meant to lie to me for years. Disappointed at a dad who had abandoned me for years, felt it was finally time to care. My life had altered from one family to the next and so had my home (us to Canada). What was revealed to me? I realized the only true love I had received was from my wonderful mother, who essentially raised me on her own into the woman I am today.
...I had to have a lot of emotions to scream out you think right? The reaction must have been loud and sad really. There was a lot to be said and my opportunity had come to do so when the explanation was through... did I say anything? Not a single word. Honestly I didn't say a darned thing. In fact I hadn't said a darned thing about it for 7 years from that moment. It's probably the worst thing you could do is let something like that harbor inside of you. But it seemed like the only option at the time. Good thing the story doesn't end there eh? Because I'm not finished...
...Well 7 years later came, and with help and encouragement from very close friends and an even closer God, I was able to say what I had needed to all that time.
"Dad. I forgive you and love you still."
"Mom. I thank you and have loved you always."

I almost want to leave it there, but I also want to tell you why I shared this story of my life. I believe that it is the tough stuff we endure throughout our lives that shape most of who we are. And when it's not the tough stuff, then it's the people there with you. Although I may have not had a father for many years I did have the most amazing mother who is and always will be my best friend. And although I bottled a lot up for years, the freedom of finally letting it all go taught me more about what God's means when he tells us to forgive others more than anything ever has. Forgiving has let me be able to become who God wants me to be without the hindrances of baggage or bitterness. It has allowed me to become closer to those around me and mostly my parents. I guess I shared this story to encourage those with disfunctional families or tough stuff in the past to look at everything and be real honest with yourself. Don't hide it, but deal with it and forgive. You will see how much you still have to be thankful for, because you are not alone. Hard stuff... you are who you are because you made it through.

Great News!!!

2005-09-19T14:02:00.000-07:00

My best friends just got engaged!! I am not only excited but worthy of peeing in my pants over this whole thing. Love like this just gets me really excited and quite frankly it makes me turn on the "corny-lovey-dovey" water works. It's just so nice to watch your closest friends fall in love and share it with one another. There's something about waking up one day and deciding that this is the person that you want to spend your life with that is just plain beautiful. I am a great fan of true love and the journey it takes you on. It's one I wouldn't suggest anyone miss out on.
I guess you could say that I have been that way ever since I got married myself. And the journey is a wild one. Some may say I am not qualified to say that yet since Joel and I have only been married for 8 months, and I can't possibly know the half of it. However if any of you know Joel Wright you always knew I was in for a wild ride, and it has been just that. Of course I expect a lot more in the future and I feel that I am prepared.
But back to my friends... I just wanted to dedicate this blog to them and the journey they are about to embark on. Good luck and God bless to you both. I love you both very much and am praying for all the best in your future. To Charisse and Josh, congratulations!!

thankful

2005-09-04T19:35:00.000-07:00

Now I have to say that I woke up today not feeling all that great. You know one of those days where you feel like just staying in bed, watching reality TV and eating ice cream (the only thing that makes me feel better other than my husband).
Well in mmy case feeling sick, and like I don't want to do very much always puts my brain in thinking mode. So thats what I did a lot of today... Thought to myself about everything under the sun and more. It's all you have to do when you feel the way I did today.
I usually hate feeling sick, and not having enough energy to do anything with my day. But in some cases I enjoy the time it gives me to reflect on things in my life. I never have a better excuse to just sit and think for an entire day without looking depressed.
So here I was reflecting on life, and I realize how nice it is to have so many great things to think about. Memories, family, friends, experiences, places... all of which have shaped my life into what it is today. All things that make me proud and feel lucky to living the life that I am. So many people aren't so luck, and it makes me extremely thankful to have all those things in my life that make it what it is. Naming every seperate thing and person would take me a life time. But for those of you, who know who you are, thank you for blessing me and my life. My life that seems so ordinary and plain from the outside, but iis truely something specail because of all of you. Heres to you

Weak and hepless...

2005-08-25T13:35:00.000-07:00

Thats how I feel sometimes. I hate hurting and I hate it even more when those close to me are hurting. But I guess everyone has to expect a little hurt sometimes in there life. I don't deal with it well, because I expect to much from myself. Like somehow I am suppose to be the one to figure out how to fix it, and make it better. But right now I can't.
Ya. there may be some hurting going around in my family, and I guess I can say that it has been for a long time now. Right now it just seems like a climax of some sort to all these years. From here it can get better or it can get worse. And I can't fix it. It drives me crazy. Whats even worse now is that I can't even be there to help fix it.
I can get so angry and so upset for feelling so helpless because I can't give them what they need for things to get better. Sometimes I get even angrier that God is the only one who can give them exactly what they need.
on and on we go. God and I wrestle with the idea of who is stronger, and although I know who the obvious winner is I want to do more than be broken and fall to the ground. ....But I realize more than ever that it is all I can do at this point. Fall to His feet and ask Him to take it. Take my weak and helpless burdon of saving my family. I know that al they need is a little more Jesus. I love you Mom, Dad, Trevoer, Ryan... you mean everything and I'm praying for you

$$$

2005-08-19T12:44:00.000-07:00

Money makes the world go round. Ain't that the truth, and a truth I have come to know more about now that I am married and have responsibilties like paying the bills. I mean not that I haven't had small tastes of this kind of thing before it's just different when your money isn't your money but your spouses as well. I can't just do whatever I want with my own cash anymore; I have to actually think about whether or not I need what I am about to buy or not.
Now how boring is that!? Buying only what you need? Rediculuos really. But thats how it is when you first get married. It has to be for a while, at least until you get yourself settled. And thats okay, because being with Joel has taught me a lot about discipline and how to spend the big $$$. However I get these urges...
I was thinking about this the other day because I really wanted to go to the mall and just go shopping... for nothing in particular... but I would figure it out when I got there. You see you know that when you are planing on shopping but not planning on what to shop for....... chances are whatever you purchase isn't a "need". I my case it's a "just gotta have". No rhyme, no reason, no excuse. I just have to have it.
This whole trend of mine hasn't seemed to fit in the world of responsibility and marriage, and the worst part is that living out on my own with my husband has not only made spending money a new game but has made my spending urges a little more expensive!! Instead of going to the mall because I "just gotta have" that cute little outfit I saw at American Eagle last week, it's more like lets go to REI because I "just gotta have" that sweet kayak, or Mt. bike, or gortex jacket. It's wanting to travel, and get a higher education, which is always way to expensive. It's wanting a ticket home to visit family, and a membership at the closest gym.
For some reason these are all things (I'm sure I missed a few) that as an independant I feel I should have. At least in my head they are. Funny how my taste in stuff went up in price, when the only things I can pay for are the esentials.
Actually I have to say that Joel and I do a pretty good job with our budgetting, and we have been able to treat ourselfs a few times so far. But there are things in the near future that we may not be able to afford. Things like education, and moving around once the Coast Gaurd moves us again, and visiting my family for christmas. At least we wont if I keep feeding my "gotta haves"and not the needs first. So I admit it!! I'm a shopaholic and I need to understand the importance of needs over wants if I am ever going to have money make my world go round!! Otherwise I'll be stopped in my tracks because I'll be carrying a load of useless stuff...
So I have been trying to train my brain to stop wanting so much. Especially because I feel extra worse about it because I don't even make any of our money. Right now Joel is the only one with a job, and I am still waiting on a work Visa. I don't feel like I make enough contribution to have all the wants I have. Thats like my slap in the wrist. I don't want to become one of those wives that doesn't do anything but spend her husbands money.
I know that once I stop wanting so much and trust more in God's providence, then we will be able to afford enough to live our lives in His glory... and thats all I can ask for right? I hope I can believe in that more often.God is teaching Both Joel and the ways of spending "His" $$ instead of ours. And that the big point.This is a goal, and a prayer.

Mrs. Betty Crocker

2005-08-18T21:52:00.000-07:00

So since I have been a married women I have been trying a few new things. Things I never bothered with before but knew I had to learn as a trade of being a wife and for my future as a possible mother. Mostly the things I am refering to are the wonderful mysteries of cooking!!
Yes, I have to admit that I have never been much of a cook, and never felt the need to learn in preperation for this time in my life. Quite frankly I had but it came to quick and I wasn't ready. And now here I am... trying to make the best of not knowing how to cook, but pretending like I do for the sake of impressing my husband.
The good part of this is that I'm given a break because my husband, Joel, happens to love cooking. Actually prior to our wedding we made an agreement that if he did all the cooking I would do all the cleaning with only "little" complaining. Just kidding, I don't mind it and enjoy it over cooking so it works out nicely. Some of you men that don't mind cokkin up some meat might be saying "thats the best contract ever, where do I sign". But this saddens me sometimes.
Honestly, I wish I had the skill of cooking like the mom on "Everybody loves Raymond". You know, the women who has her son still comin over to make him a great home cooked meal. And I know every guy would love to have a women who can cook for them like that. So this is where I get bumbed, because like I said I can't cook for beans!! Even though Joel likes to do it, I would love to watch him go bug eyed over something I made for him myself. It's just one of those things a wife wishes for you know. To cook a great meal for her husband.
Well, I'm going to keep trying at it until I get good, and I know I will. I'm already taking notes off Raymonds show, and soon I'm thinking of investing in some Martha Stewart media. Just incase I want to weave some bambo place matts to go with. Before you know it I'll be puttin on parties talkin with my mouthfull and sharing recipes with you.....well.....actually if anyone out there has any to share with me that would be great. Any tips for a desperate house wife trying to feed her husband something etable? haha.

p.s. Just so you know, one thing I can do is Bake. I love to bake anything that serves the craving of a sweet tooth. Cookies, brownies, cake, pie, you name it and I'm on it. To bad my husband doesn't like being fat!!

me!!

2005-08-10T10:01:00.000-07:00

God turns me

2005-08-06T15:16:00.000-07:00

Its in despair that I find faith
Summons the night to bow down to day
When ignorance is bliss
Won't you save me from myself

And then I see you there
With your arms open wide and you try to embrace me
these lonely tears I cry
They keep me in chains and I wish they'd release me
Cold is the night but
Colder still is the heart made of stone turned from clay
And if you follow me
You'll see all the black, all the white, fade to grey

-jars of clay

I was listening to this CD the other day after finding among all of our unpacked things. I haven't listened to it since I was at Summer camp when I was about 12 or 13 yrs old.
It was the first christian music I ever owned, and this song was the first song that I heard God through.
Everyday I think of how God is changing, molding, making me and how he does it without me evern realizing it. It took me years of listening to this song, and hearing it from others, and listening to seemingly wise teachers talk about it... The love of Jesus and how it calls you, embraces you, then turns you. The way you go from feeling empty to feeling qutie filled, from alone, to surrounded, from missing to found and from damned to blessed.
I wanted to share these words of this song with you because this was the point that I feel I truly gave my life to the glory of God. How beautiful is this journey, and how amazing to know it all starts with His love.

How do you let Him turn your clay?

Life on the line

2005-08-03T11:37:00.000-07:00

Trust. Can't that be a big word sometimes? A requirement you can't seem to overcome once in a while? I know that the whole world must struggle with it. I know I do, and maybe it makes me feel better to think that every body else does too.
I was reading a friends blog about what it feels like to be falling away from God. I have to admit that there are many times when I feel right there with him. For me it always has to do with trust.
Trusting in God is hard. Plain and simple. In fact trusting in a lot of people/ things is hard sometimes. For me trusting in God means to be blind and slow. I can't see what he has coming for me, and I have no idea how long I have to wait for it to come. I have a hard time with that because I plan ahead, and I do that so that things can be done quickly. I guess you could say patience is another one of my problems. I'm working on it, and getting better everyday. However, this trust in God thing is always a pain. I feel like I take one step forward and two steps back. Everytime I think I am doing better, I dig deeper and realize that I am still manipulating the situation so that I have some control over what happens in my life. The big picture is that I can't seem to put my whole life one the line. I can't seem to give it all up to Him.
ps. Falling away from God is something that we ourselves decide upon. What I mean by that is that I don't believe that God gives us a latter and tells us to climb it (with every good work you move up, and every time we're bad we move down). I believe he stays as close as he can to us no matter what faithfull status quo we put ourselves at. Therefore the only person determining whether we are close to God or not is us. It's just a feeling we create.
Going back to my problem with trusting God... I am wondering why I have such a need to feel like I have control. Because when I look back on things in my life it seems as though the things I let God take over turn out much better than the things I take care of myself. And I'm thinking "well, duh" thats exactly what he does! He is always trying to prove that fully trusting him is always a better decision. He has proven himself over and over, and still I'm lacking.
It makes me feel guilty, which I guess is where I personally think I make myself believe that I am falling away from God. Guilt can do that to you. Make you feel less than you are. It pulls me down at least a few steps on my latter.
Heres the deal: I want to trust Him more. And the first decision I have to make is to stop trusting the lies I "feel" over the truth of God's reliability. I'm going to step back and try my best to put my life on the line for Christ. To gove it up without worry of getting it back. Because quite frankly I love the thought of giving that responsibility over to Him...worrying...
Trust is a big word but I want to be willing to put it all on the one who has shown and proven more love in my life than any other. This one is for you big guy, I pray that you help me along the way. It's never been easy.

In and about...

2005-08-02T22:32:00.000-07:00

I have to make up for things unsaid yesterday. My life is one that I never would have thought it would be right now, yes... but it's one that I am completely in love with. I may be uncomfortable with change, but the turn my life has taken is one of total blessing and laughs. I have an incredible Husband, who treats me right and who I love more than anything. That right there is a priviledge. I'm eating well, living it up in comfort and style, staying healthy, enjoying the outdoor weather, experiencing new people and new places, and feeling the precense of Jesus in every step.
I was thinking of yesterday and talking about change. I realize when you think of the "uncomfortable" enough you sometimes fail to see some of the consequenses that make you you relax. More than relax, but become confident in the direction your going and in love with the journey itself. I have more than I realize to be thankfull for, and all I can do is open my eyes to the gifts I am given rather than only focus on whether or not I can handle them.
I guess thats what I am more concerned about when it comes to change. It's whether or not I can live up to what God puts before me. I have always been someone who loves the "great happenings" in life. It's the getting there that hinders me at times. (great happenings- anything that allows you to experience the things I highlighted in my profile in life) Isn't it funny? It doesn't matter how much you overcome, there is still one thing you are affraid you cannot.
I want you to know now that change will never get the best of me. I always end up appreciating it for what it brings.
You know what the coolest new thing in my life is? My Husband Joel. a shared home, life . . . love is one of the most incredible things I could have imagined it to be. And you know what else? Throughout the changes in my life he's always going to be there. And thats never going to change. Joel, I want you to know how much I love you, and that the change you bring to my life is one I couldn't live without.
p.s. to any one else I promise not to be this mushy again!!!

New life...

2005-08-01T17:44:00.000-07:00

This is my first time here. Well my first time ever writing my own blog, however I have read quite a few. It's exciting to be doing something new with my thoughts like this, and even more so knowing that they can be read by anyone who chooses. I guess that makes me a little nervous at the same time, but I know that I don't have anything to prove to people that I don't even know, so really it's just different to me.
My blogs may seem totally lame at first, but like I said I'm new. In fact my whole life right now is new. I was recently married, moved to Seattle WA. from Ontario Canada, and am currently looking for a new school and job. ...
...and life takes a swing...
Change is fun isn't it. I mean it can be scary, exciting, confusing, unpredictable, spontaneous...but most of all I find it fun. At least that was what I told myself over and over for the first few weeks, until it eventually wore off.
To be perfectly honest I really really want to be one of those spontanious people that love and thrive for change, but quite frankly am not. The fun part for me is looking back about a year from now and saying "oh ya, that wasn't so bad. Actually I kinda liked it." It's not that I fear change or don't want it, I just feel that God seems to spring it on me right when I think I'm getting comfortable where I am. Don't you hate when he does that?
Maybe thats the point though. Who wants to live a comfortable life? That sounds pretty borring and I guess it's God's changing my life that makes me realize that. So how about saying thanks... I do and I am.
My life in these last few months of change I have to say have been pretty awesome. I cannot complain. So really I realize I had nothing to be ucomfortable about, and am learning the excitement of growth which comes along with change. With growth comes learning and with learning comes new thoughts.
I hope to share my lifes changes, growths and thoughts with you as I have taken this great change of pace in my life. And that is that I am a young married women out and living her own life for the first time with a life partner. Change. New life. My life. My thoughts...